Ganondorf And The Bombs
by super maria
Summary: Ganondorf and the Bombs.
1. Chapter 1

_Is it the end? Is it over? Tell me the truth. Say something. Anything… It is over, isn't it…_

Ganondorf woke up and vomited in Wolf's face.

"Oh, come on! I was only bringing you breakfast!" Wolf almost cried.

Wolf dropped the tray he was carrying and fled the room, muttering, "The fifth time…"

Ganondorf got out of bed, feeling ill, and walked around his room.

Mario the Butler rushed into his room, said, "Oh, no," and then raced back out.

Count Falcon strolled into Ganondorf's mansion while a pack of Pikachu ran past him.

He watched them run into the next room, curiously, when Wolf came up to him, clean face and all, and almost managed to say, "May I take your coat?"

Unfortunately, Mario the Butler ran up to them and screamed, "BOMBS! Bombs are falling!"

"He's crazy," Wolf said, chuckling a bit.

Suddenly there was an explosion outside, and Wolf sighed in his mind.

"Okay! Let's get down to the bomb shelter!" Wolf's words were almost drowned out by the next bomb.

Wolf herded everyone (including the Pikachus) into the bomb shelter.

Ganondorf finally left his bedroom, and walked down the hall.

He opened the front doors, completely unaware of the bombs, and began to walk around, peacefully.

He walked through the gardens as another bomb fell, and he walked through the smoke, coughing.

He looked down to see his carrot patch and saw his favourite gardener, a Pikachu.

It was dead.

From Ganondorf's eye, a tear fell and landed on the Pikachu's cheek.

After awhile, Ganondorf walked off.

A few more bombs fell and Ganondorf breathed in the smell of death and decay… and coughed.

Soon afterwards, Ganondorf realized that the smoke had cleared and the bombs were no longer falling.

Ganondorf re-entered his mansion and said, "Hi, Count Falcon," as the group emerged from the bomb shelter.

As Mario the Butler stared at Ganondorf and wondered how he had survived outside, Count Falcon replied, "Yes, hello."

"Let us have a feast!" Ganondorf shouted at the neighbors, in celebration of surviving the bombs, even though his neighbors were the ones who had bombed him.

They had a feast of bubblegum pie and strawberry juice.

"…So… are the… Pikachus… back in their… rooms?" Ganondorf asked, uncomfortably, at the head of the dining table.

"Don't worry. He knows," Wolf said.

"Oh, good. So, are the slaves back in their cages?" Ganondorf asked, casually.

"What are you talking about?" Count Falcon said in a panic.

"Oh, this and that and-"

"Okay, that is it! I'll tell you why I came over. I want to chat about the new merchants in town and do you think the townsfolk are serious about a sorcerer? Because I don't believe in magic."

"I believe this is going to be a long talk," Ganondorf said. "Go fetch us some tea and biscuits, Wolf."

As commanded, Wolf ran off to fetch some tea and biscuits, while he secretly fed his green, pet parrot some cookies at the same time.

Chocolate chip cookies, to be exact.

---

Meanwhile, Fox was munching on some particularly good chocolate chip cookies while chatting with the local sorcerer, yes, the **local** sorcerer.

A random police officer came into the shack, walked up to him and shot Fox in the face.

"You'll not be coming back from that one," the police officer said.

Then Fox sat up and asked, "What was that for? Seriously?"

"Yeah, why did you do that?" the sorcerer asked, covered in a black cloak.

"Sorry, I'm just doing my job…" the police officer said.

Fox and the sorcerer laughed evilly and then closed in on him.

---

Meanwhile, Ganondorf and Count Falcon were chatting and eating their biscuits and drinking their tea.

While Count Falcon tried to convince Ganondorf that there was no such thing as magic, Ganondorf refused this nonsense and explained the possibility.

"Well, see you tomorrow," Count Falcon said, walking towards the open door.

Ganondorf picked up Count Falcon and threw him out the door.

"Bye," he said and told his neighbors (Count Falcon's kingdom) to shut up.

He slammed the door shut, waited until he was sure that Count Falcon was gone, and said to Wolf, "Clean up the bodies."

---

Princess Zelda tripped over her long, white dress and fell into a puddle, becoming drenched.

_Why is it raining, today of all days? _Zelda thought, cursing the rain.

Wolf was on patrol at the time when he saw the princess in the rain.

He thought of all the possibilities.

Ganondorf might like some company today because he was playing Monopoly and was not enjoying it.

But this princess seemed innocent enough, and Wolf knew how Ganondorf said goodbye to people (throwing them out the door).

But because Wolf didn't know her, he didn't really care so he ran over to the princess and said, "You're soaking! Come inside, I insist."

Wolf didn't know it yet but he actually enjoyed watching Ganondorf throw people out the door.

"Thank you, but I must be off," Princess Zelda said in a polite manner.

"No, seriously. You **have **to come in," Wolf said, preparing to growl.

"Whatever, but I really have to go," Zelda said.

Wolf unleashed his growl and lunged at her.

He grabbed her arm and struggled to get her inside.

Zelda struggled to get away from him, but he continued to drag her inside so she punched him in the face.

"Get away from me, you weirdo!" Zelda shouted, getting up as soon as she could.

She walked quickly away, so she didn't trip again.

"Wait!" Wolf said, but tripped into the same puddle Zelda had in the first place and cracked his skull.

Ganondorf was watching from the window.

He had seen everything but was now looking at a car waiting by the gate.

Ganondorf finally realized that Mario the Butler was waiting by that car.

_Yahoo! _Ganondorf thought. _Mario's going to take me to the indoor park!_

But then he saw Zelda enter the car.

…_So I have a double agent on my hands, _Ganondorf thought.

He watched as Mario the Butler got into the car and drove off.

_And even worse… He's working for Zelda._


	2. Chapter 2

Fox crammed another cookie into his mouth. And another. And another.

"Can you whip up another batch of these delightful cookies," Fox said, his eyes half-closed.

At the moment Fox wasn't acting serious at all.

"Yeah, can I have one, too," said the police officer who was currently tied up.

The sorcerer laughed and said, "Just because I'm good at making cookies doesn't mean I should. I can cast spells, too, you know. And as for you, you worthless mongrel of a police officer, shut up and stop asking for cookies."

The police officer decided to either plant a bomb or go to sleep… so he went to sleep.

As for Fox, he was already sleeping, deeply.

In fact, you would think that someone had drugged his food…

As soon as the police officer's eyes shut the sorcerer sorted through Fox's things.

All that the sorcerer found was a comic and a leftover cookie.

---

Ganondorf was very unhappy.

Mario the Butler came in with his favorite breakfast.

Unfortunately, it was Mario's favorite, not Ganondorf's.

"I know what you are," Ganondorf said.

Mario the butler replied, "Hmmm? Oh, you mean… wait… What?"

"You are a double agent!" Ganondorf scowled and threw his breakfast at Mario the butler.

Mario the Butler ducked then stood up, a hilarious expression on his face.

It almost made Ganondorf laugh but he knew he had to be serious about this.

"You're working for Princess Zelda, the princess of my enemies. Why? How could you?" Ganondorf cried.

"…They pay me more," Mario the Butler admitted and then he went silent.

"You mean to say, that if I paid you more than them, you would work for me?" Ganondorf asked.

As Wolf was walking past, swinging his arms about, he saw that Mario the Butler and Ganondorf were having a conversation so he popped his head around the door.

"No. It's much more complicated than that. You see, I'm a well-known butler and I'm good at what I do so everyone wants to hire me," Mario said.

He sat down at a desk in Ganondorf's room.

"This is going to take ages isn't it… sorry, Mario. You're fired," Ganondorf said, his mind made up.

"…I'm sorry, but you're going to have to excuse me now," Mario the Butler cried.

He then stood up and ran away.

But before he ran out and collided with Wolf, he turned around and asked, "Why?"

"Well, more money for me, one thing," Ganondorf said, shrugging.

"And me?" Wolf said, fully entering the room.

"Yes, and you…" sighed Ganondorf.

Mario the Butler said, "Goodbye, Ganondorf. Goodbye, Wolf."

Then he walked to the massive front doors, sighed and opened them.

Wolf waved but Ganondorf leapt out of bed and told him to stop.

Finally, Mario was gone.

"Ganondorf," Wolf said, preparing to question.

"Yes, Wolf," Ganondorf replied.

Wolf coughed, as if preparing a speech, then said, "Why don't you pay me?"

---

Fox finally woke up and nothing seemed different.

The police officer was asleep on the chair.

More cookies on the table.

The sorcerer in the kitchen.

Now that no one was here he sat up and started planning his evil Fox plan.

The sorcerer returned.

"So… do you have a plan? Or did you call me over for no particular reason, just to make chocolate chip cookies?" the local sorcerer questioned.

Fox stood up and said, "Shhh… I'll tell you in the next room."

But before they could move there was a knock at the door of the shack.

The door was so old that it almost came off its hinges they heard the first knock.

Fox came towards it and threw the door aside.

Count Falcon was standing there.

Immediately, Fox calmed down.

"What do you want, Count Falcon?" he asked.

"I heard the local sorcerer was here today. Can I come in?" Count Falcon asked.

Fox said, "Of course," and mimed for the sorcerer to throw a blanket on the police officer.

Count Falcon walked in, past Fox.

He sat down in one of the chairs and as Fox looked for the police officer he realized that Count Falcon was sitting on his chair.

Fox whispered to the sorcerer, "Where's the police-"

He stopped in the middle of his sentence when he realized that it must be a spell.

"What did you do," Fox whispered.

"Don't worry he won't be back," the sorcerer winked.

Fox didn't trust the sorcerer so instead he said, "Have a cookie, Count Falcon."

---

Ganondorf had quickly and simply escaped Wolf's want for money by saying, "I do not pay you because you do not want to be paid."

Wolf was an idiot so he didn't understand this.

I mean how dumb is he? Really?

Anyway, now Ganondorf wanted to talk with Count Falcon but everyone he asked said, "He left his castle about ten minutes ago."

Ganondorf was bored but he didn't want to play Monopoly so he decided to spy on his enemies.

First, he would plant a device on a Pikachu and send it to town.

Done.

Second, he would sit at the top of the tallest hill he could find and use his extra-hyper-super-awesome-epic binoculars.

"Hmmm… so where are you, Mario. Helping what's-her-face Zelda. Princess Zelda…" Ganondorf continued muttering to himself until the Pikachu returned.

Ganondorf took the recording device and pressed play.

At first, it was just the sound of people moving around town square but soon the din stopped and Ganondorf could hear a conversation.

"Is the cake ready?" someone said, but it sounded familiar to Ganondorf.

The Pikachu pointed at the town but Ganondorf took no notice.

He just continued to listen.

"Yes… with the bomb," another whispered.

Ganondorf freaked out.

_A cake and a bomb_, he thought.

But before he could think about it longer the first voice spoke again.

It said, "Will it be ready for her birthday?"

But then the recording session ended.

There was no more room on the recorder to record.

Thoughts whizzed around Ganondorf's head.

_Who is 'her'? When is her birthday? Who was planning all of this?_

Then Ganondorf finally looked at the town.

Or rather what the Pikachu was pointing at.

He saw Mario the Butler's cap, through his extra-hyper-super-awesome-epic binoculars.

"Huh? What are you trying to say, Pikachu?" Ganondorf said, knowing that the Pikachu could understand him.

The Pikachu grabbed the recording device, re-winded it to a certain point and pressed play.

Ganondorf heard the familiar sounding words again, "Is the cake ready?"

But then the Pikachu paused it and pointed at the cap again.

Ganondorf gasped.

"Do you mean that Mario is planning a bomb in someone's cake?" Ganondorf asked.

The Pikachu nodded.

"Then who is 'her'?"

But as soon as he said the words he realized.

"Zelda?"

The Pikachu nodded again.

"Do you know when her birthday is?" Ganondorf hoped against hope without realizing that Zelda was his enemy.

The Pikachu shook its head to Ganondorf's dismay.


	3. Chapter 3

Count Falcon crammed a cookie into his mouth.

"I'm glad I finally got to meet you…" Count Falcon trailed off.

"Just call me Sorcerer," the sorcerer said.

"Okay, Sorcerer," Count Falcon said.

"By the way, Count Falcon, do you like those cookies?" Fox asked.

"Yes, they're great. Why?" Count Falcon asked.

"You know what to do," Fox said.

The sorcerer sighed and returned to the kitchen.

"I actually came to see the sorcerer. I just can't believe that magic is possible," Count Falcon said.

"All in good time, Count Falcon. Just have another cookie," Fox said.

Fox walked over to the kitchen door and poked his head in.

The sorcerer was hard at work, making and baking the cookies, so Fox had a look around.

The bowl containing the cookie dough was massive, but Fox wasn't suspicious of anything.

He quietly sneaked into the room, making sure the sorcerer didn't notice him, and took a look at the ingredients.

_Normal, _he thought, as he crawled in his crouching position past each ingredient.

When he finally got to the end of the bench he stopped, feeling as though something bad were happening.

Then he looked up.

The sorcerer was standing before him.

_Uh oh, _he thought.

Fox was thrown out of the kitchen, but he quickly sat in his favourite seat, where Count Falcon stared at him.

The sorcerer joined them in a few seconds to deliver the next batch of cookies, and then went back into the kitchen.

Fox then began to talk with Count Falcon and ate cookies with him, as if they were friends.

---

Ganondorf and a Pikachu were lying in wait.

After figuring out Mario the Butler's plan, and finding his cap, they had laid a trap for him.

Knowing Mario the Butler would come back for his cap, Ganondorf had set up a bear trap, as it was the only trap he had on hand.

Now they lay in the bushes, awaiting his arrival.

Wolf was walking by there at the time, and when he saw Mario's cap, he said, "Mario the Butler's hat! Cool!"

He then walked over to it and straight into the bear trap.

"What is your problem?" Ganondorf shouted, raising his head out of the bushes.

But before he could throw Wolf out of sight, Mario the Butler came over.

He quickly hid himself in the bushes, wondering what was going to happen.

"Wolf?" Mario the Butler asked.

"I found your hat," Wolf said.

Mario the Butler took his cap and walked off.

"Can you help me now?" Wolf asked.

Ganondorf came over to Wolf but before he cut off Wolf's leg, the Pikachu released him.

"What was that about?" Wolf asked.

"You wouldn't understand," Ganondorf said but then asked, "Wait, do you know when Zelda's birthday is?"

"Who's Zelda?" Wolf asked.

"Just as expected," Ganondorf muttered.

---

"Well, I guess I'll see you when I see you," Count Falcon said as he left Fox's shack.

Fox waved goodbye, but once he was out of sight, his evil Fox plan went into motion.

Count Falcon was quite happy after eating all those cookies, and almost bumped into someone on his way out.

He said, "Excuse me," and walked on.

The stranger walked up to the empty doorframe of Fox's shack and knocked on the wall.

Fox, being prepared for this, immediately walked over with a container.

"Have you got the package?" the stranger asked.

Fox handed him the container and he checked inside to see a stack of cookies.

The stranger handed him a bundle of money and walked away.

Fox then stashed the money and relaxed on his sofa with a cookie in his mouth.

---

Ganondorf had left the Pikachu and Wolf to find their own way back to his mansion, as he walked off to look for Count Falcon again.

When he'd made it to his mansion, he found that they had gotten there quicker than him, but he forgot about it.

He went over to Count Falcon's Kingdom, his neighbors, and asked several people where his friend was.

As he walked around the place, people threw potatoes and such at him, but he ignored them.

"Count Falcon just got back, and he's in a good mood. Quick, go see him now," said one of the gardeners outside Count Falcon's castle, and Ganondorf was reminded of his favourite gardener, the Pikachu.

Ganondorf then walked into Count Falcon's castle.

He was led to Count Falcon, who was in his study, and several people shouted rude comments as he passed by.

Ganondorf replied to those comments until he had made it to Count Falcon's study.

"Where've you been?" Ganondorf asked as he entered the room.

Count Falcon looked up and said, "Private business. I'd tell you if I could."

"…Okay. Can you tell me… You know Princess Zelda, right?" Ganondorf asked.

"Yes, we are actually good friends," Count Falcon said and Ganondorf winced.

"Yes, well, can you tell me when her birthday is?" Ganondorf asked.

Suspicious, Count Falcon gave Ganondorf the date, "In two days."

Ganondorf was grateful and said, "If I wasn't so busy I'd stay and chat."

He then left.

Count Falcon shrugged and fell asleep.

---

Wolf was sitting at the kitchen table in Ganondorf's mansion, letting the Pikachus roam free around the place.

He didn't even notice that he was bleeding from the wound in his leg, but just then, Ganondorf return.

He threw the doors of the mansion open and said, "Wolf! Let's get ready."

Wolf ran into the hall where the Pikachus were not running around randomly, as Ganondorf dragged a large box in.

"Huh? What's that?" Wolf asked.

Ganondorf said nothing, only opened the box and started to take things out, which he proceeded to strap onto his back.

At last they were finished, and Ganondorf had many machine guns strapped onto his back for some reason.

They both had a toothpick in their mouths until Ganondorf said, "Actually, I don't need these."

He took off the machine guns and then shouted, "Let's go!"

…And then, "Actually, we don't need these toothpicks, they just make it hard to talk."

…And then, "Well, we've got two days. What should we do? Oh, get those sunglasses off, Wolf. They make you look like an idiot!"


	4. Chapter 4

As Ganondorf threw Wolf's sunglasses on the ground, there was a knock at the door.

Ganondorf went and answered it to see a mailman.

He gave him a letter and walked away.

As Ganondorf walked away from the door and opened the letter, he mumbled, "Must be a new mailman…"

Wolf tried to sneak a peek of what the letter said before Ganondorf had finished it, but a Pikachu ran past then, and Wolf was tripped by it.

"Oh, it's an invitation to a fancy dress party! In two days!" Ganondorf said as he read the details.

It also said that you **could **invite someone else, but Ganondorf mentioned nothing of this to Wolf.

"Hmmm… It says I have to bring a present. Okay, Wolf! Go out and buy something!" Ganondorf ordered.

Before Wolf could say, "What about that other thing you had to do in two days?" Ganondorf had thrown him out the door with a couple of dollars.

Wolf picked up those dollars and decided to go to the market place, where he bought some chocolate chip cookies for the present.

---

Count Falcon had spent most of his day in his study, after Ganondorf had come to see him.

He knew his kingdom appreciated him as their Count, because they all shared a hatred for Ganondorf.

"Count Falcon. There's a letter for you," someone said.

Count Falcon got the letter from the newcomer, but they left afterwards.

Count Falcon read it and was happy to see he'd been invited to a fancy dress party.

"I've been waiting for this," he said to himself, knowing it was Zelda's birthday (which Ganondorf didn't realise).

Reading onwards, he thought about who he should invite.

Knowing Mario the Butler would be coming anyway, he decided to invite Fox.

He then left his castle, and then he went to the market place and bought some chocolate chip cookies as a present (from the same place as Wolf).

---

Ganondorf woke up the next day and waited for someone to bring him breakfast.

Quickly, a clumsy Wolf entered with a tray, with Ganondorf's breakfast on it.

While eating, Ganondorf asked, "What's on my schedule today? Oh, wait, only Mario knows about my schedule. Where is he when you need him!"

Meanwhile, Mario the Butler was laughing as he read Ganondorf's schedule.

Back with Ganondorf, he and Wolf heard a whole bunch of gunshots and windows shattering.

Before they could guess who it was, Count Falcon entered Ganondorf's mansion.

"Hey, Ganondorf," Count Falcon shouted above the noise of the guns as he entered his bedroom.

"The neighbors are at it again, can you tell them to keep it down? I'm trying to eat breakfast," Ganondorf merely suggested loudly.

"Eh, well, you know, what's the point?" Count Falcon stuttered.

Ganondorf shrugged.

He then finished his breakfast and decided to check what was going on outside, ignoring the bullets that passed him by.

Before he'd gotten very far, he saw a Pikachu's dead body.

He ran back into his mansion and shouted, at Wolf, "I told you to clean up the bodies!"

"Huh? What? But I did? Those are probably new bodies," Wolf said, almost drowned out by a volley of gunshots.

"Yeah? Wait, what? What are you talking about?" Count Falcon asked in a panic.

"Oh, this and that and-"

"Okay, that is it! I'll tell you why I came over. I went to see the sorcerer. I didn't see any magic so I still don't believe in it and have you been invited to that fancy dress party?" Count Falcon said.

Upon hearing about the fancy dress party, Ganondorf realised what he had to do today.

He threw Count Falcon out the door and started to get ready for the party.

Just then, the guns stopped.

---

"How long have I been sitting here? Feels like a decade," Fox said.

"You've only been there for an hour," the sorcerer said, sitting in the chair opposite him.

Fox looked at his watch and saw it'd been one day and an hour since Count Falcon's visit.

He shrugged, ate another cookie and started to read the comic in his bag.

While reading, he poked his head around the comic to see the sorcerer looking at him.

After awhile of this, Fox said, "Could you stop staring at me? I'm trying to read a comic."

The sorcerer sighed and left his shack, saying, "I'm leaving. I've been here for way too long."

---

"Okay, I've got to buy a costume for this fancy dress party," Ganondorf said after throwing Count Falcon out the door.

He and Wolf then left, searching for stores to buy what he needed.

"This is going to be a tough job. We better split up. Okay, now listen closely, Wolf. You have to search for a costume for a fancy dress party. Now, don't go for the cheapest. Aim high in the prices, **but not too high!**" Ganondorf said.

They then split up.

Wolf entered the first shop he found and said to the shopkeeper, "What's your most expensive costume here?"

The shopkeeper's eyes widened and he looked around nervously.

He then grabbed a random shirt with a logo on it and said, "Uh… this… thing."

"How much?" Wolf asked like the idiot he was.

"…" the shopkeeper said and then made up a price.

Wolf and Ganondorf met up again outside the shops.

"What did you get?" Ganondorf asked.

Wolf showed him the shirt.

"…How much was that worthless excuse of a costume?" Ganondorf asked, a bit disgruntled.

"Six billion dollars," Wolf said, only a tiny bit disappointed at Ganondorf's reaction.

Ganondorf looked really, really angry now.

Before he beat Wolf up, he asked, "How did you pay for it?"

"I used your credit card."

Ganondorf was really, really, **really **angry now.

---

"Well, at least **I **bought this," Ganondorf said, holding up a strange looking outfit.

He then went to return Wolf's excuse for a costume, because he didn't trust Wolf to do it, while Wolf's unconscious body lay outside the shop (that was another reason why he didn't let Wolf return it).

After seeing Wolf's sense of taste in costumes, he decided that he couldn't trust him on what he had gotten as a present.

So he had a plan.

When he got to the fancy dress party, and had put the present in the pile, he would swap the card on his present with Count Falcon's.

_Oh, the hilarity!_

---

Princess Zelda was sitting in her room, waiting for some time to pass.

Being two days from her birthday, she didn't have a chance to go out much, so all she did was lie around her room.

Mario the Butler was outside, making sure she didn't come out.

He then said into a walkie-talkie, "Everything's going according to plan. I've delivered the invitations… They'll all be there."


End file.
